Yesterday, i was super angry with papa! HATE HIM LARHS! if cannot call people, then don't say " call you back later! " RAHHHS! i already so sad, and im about to just die, called him don't know how many times. he did not answer! HE'S JUST THE TYPICAL EVIL HIM! whatever! *rolls eyes*

Monster scolded me! ): She says im the same as my sister. At least i believe that i am not adopted like jie. ): i really wish i am not. The way she scolded me really reminded me of how she mistreated Jie. ): She says i am rebellious? when i have been at home the whole day studying? I just asked her to help me get a glass of water, and she scolded me? i was busy. she asked me if i wanted anything, or needed her help , and she scolded me saying i am not respectful and i should serve the elder people than getting them to serve me. I guess she's trying to prepare me for my trip to visit yi gu ma and grandma during october. ): But i really feel so hurt deep down. It just adds on to my stress level right now. I keep thinking each and every day, what if grandma dies? what if i don't go hong kong and yi gu ma scolds me for being unrespectful? What if i go and yi gu blames me for not looking after grandma properly?

I really don't know. Why do cantonese people have so many traditions and why do they put the word " respect on their mouths 24 hours? My mom don't usually do that, but she suddenly just does it. She is getting stricter with me. She doesn't even allow me to go downstairs to talk to my friend? how bad can this be? ):

I really feel so tired. Just let me die and disappear away from this earth. ):